Idol casting is no rock'n'roll

It is very embarrassing, but I have to admit, I got a little addicted to that Earth thing called Television. Even though the technology is very primitive, the addictive nature of this phenomenon is very advanced. Since I am a space rock musician I was very interested when I heard there were shows where the TV makers were looking for new rock'n'roll showbiz talent. So-called idol shows or casting shows - as they are called in the German hemisphere - are blossoming. Every time I turn on the TV, I get to see those Earthling kids singing and dancing and trying to become a teenage idol or a super star. The weird thing though is they are always trying to please everbody and the songs they are singing are extremely boring. Therefore I wonder have they or have I got the concept of rock'n'roll totally wrong? When my band came to Earth a lot of people told us that rock stars don't behave and that everybody hates them. So we decided to follow the path of becoming rock stars, but when I watch TV, our competitors seem to do exactly the opposite. They are nice and clean. Maybe my group, the Blues Horror Brigade, has to become tidy and neat soon or otherwise we will never be stars on Earth and have to return to the stars.

Boring Borders

As alien the concept of nations as it is practized on the planet of Earth seems to be very bizarre. Since I started travelling around Earth I realized I could not just go from one part of the planet to another without a hassle. Everytime you reach the end of a self proclaimed nation country you have to show a passport or an identification card. Of course I don't have such a thing. So I often get called an "illegal alien". Illegal? What does that mean? But anyway, I can just cross borders using certain extraterrestrial technology I don't want to explain right now. Or sometimes I use the flying saucer of the Blues Horror Brigade, which cannot be detected by Earth radar.
Still I'm asking: Why do Earthlings create borders between their lands? Do some people think they are better than others? Do Earthlings not want to share their things with other creatures on that planet? I don't understand Earth's ways sometimes. Out there where I come from we don't have borders. It's technically impossible to guard them anyway. So why bother? We have created a giant confederation of stars, where everybody works with each other. This doesn't mean we don't get into fights sometimes. But then we try to find solutions instead of building walls around us. Our culture actually sucks as much as any other culture. So why don't we just pick the best things from each other and have fun together...?

The Tower Of Erection

The Earthling man makes offspring by pushing his sexual organ, called penis, into the female sexual organ, known as vagina. It is a very primitive way of mating, but apparently it still works on Earth. Before copulation the male Earthling has to make its penis hard and big, because otherwise it will be very difficult to stick it into the vagina, which is normally really tight. The moment when the penis is ready for penetration is called erection. Earthling men are so happy when they get an erection they celebrate it all over Earth by building statues, which symbolise this phenomenon. And a lot of Earthlings think the bigger the better. Therefore every big city on Earth also has its own erected-penis-statue. And they keep trying making it bigger and bigger. One of the most famous penis statues on Earth is in a town called Paris, it's called the Eiffel Tower (picture on the left). Other famous towers are called Fernsehturm (Berlin), Space Needle (Shanghai) or simply University (Moscow).
In some Earthling cities tower building got a little bit out of hands... in Kuala Lumpur they built two towers (picture on the right). In New York, too... and this had to lead to disaster. They were destroyed by a group of very angry and evil men who probably had problems dealing with their own erections. Fortunately New York is filled with towers, so the New York men probably still have erections.